Some people

Some ppl aren’t worth your time some people aren’t worth your tears some people aren’t even worth a piece of shit. .. they make you feel like you’re useless
when in fact your a diamond … some people are blind to see what they have in front of them. . Like the saying goes you don’t really know what you have til its gone. .. truth be told you knew what you had u just never thought that it would be gone. …

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Fucked up

Been two months simce ive drank … so i popped a xanax drank a few drinks smoked some weed …. i feel like im somewhere else. .. i feel like im in a world where i just can’t seem to care. Tonight i watched the fight … i just wish people  could act with me as i do with them. ..i just feel so lost stuck n confused. .. i dont get how some people can think. .. i think i need to honestly think n treat  others how they should be
I just feel like im a no. One that no matter how hard i try is never good enough. .. hell never love me as the way i love him.  Wish i could be who he wanted me to be … i think it’s honestly time i stp  fighting n just let go n move on. .. ya i Might love him but what did l does it mean when love only comes from one side.  It hurts  it eats you alive  and it kills me wondering when it b will all better

Burning Bridges

I wish someone had told me.

Told me that it’s not how I think it is.

Told me that I was wrong.

Told me that I love them more than they love me.

Told me to move on.

Told me not to spend my life investing in these relationships.

Maybe if I had known things would be different.

Maybe my heart wouldn’t be starving.

Maybe I could have done something better.

Maybe it wouldn’t be so hard to see the beautiful in the mess.

I see the pedestal.

I see the standards.

I see the expectations.

I see the line.

I see the flames.

I see the burning bridge.

I see myself holding the clip.

I see my arm swinging from the follow-through.

Chaos. Ignorance. Anger. Pain. Lies. Deceit. Hypocrisy. Confusion.

You are not who I thought you were. For that I am angry. Angry with you. Angry with me. Angry with who made you the way you are. It’s not the way you were. I thought you were smarter. I thought you were braver. I thought I saw in you what I think I see in me. I thought I saw more.

Silence. Tears. Truth. Comfort. Strength. Solitude.

I am moving on. Knowing what I now know. I’m here. But I’m moving on. It’s better than this void of aching emptiness that echos inside. I expected too much. I always expect too much. Blood is not a guarantee. Deception wins. Known I will not be.

soup

Im making potato soup… its boiling on the stove i smell the aroma in the air… its the simplest soup one can make all that u do is put garlic onions  whole fresh tomatos and potatoes  .. the spices i used  are salt pepper  and vegetable flavoring.. when its all done i top it with fresh cilantro  and fresh diced jalapeños  enjoyIMG_20150414_233026

first blog ever!!!!☆☆☆☆

Wish i knew the words i can say that could really describe how i felt . What was going on in my head. Nothing seems to be as i always picture it in my head. Im so lonely so down and miserable and i put up  a front as if I’m ok but im not. inside im dying and outside its as if nothing is wrong. My emotions inside are bottled up and stored away . I wish i knew what to do i wish I could  cry and cry and cry until i had no more tears  left to cry. Recently  i lost my baby i was 10 weeks pregnant not too many people knew what was going on with me, i got very  very sick and lost 20 pounds in three weeks couldn’t eat a thing tomorrow  will be one week exactly that i lost my baby and its so hard i am trying to put a front  up in  front of my family and act as if im ok but inside im dying i feel like im here physically  but spiritually  and mentally  i feel as if im dead. This is the 3rd baby ive lost this time i was sure everything was going to be ok but it wasnt it wasnt why couldnt everything  just gone right why did god  take my baby why .. i know i shouldn’t  be questioning god but its like i got so sick and suffered  so much in all my pregnancies  for in the end my babies were taken. I suffered  i got  sick i lost my health and my weight. Im just so confused  dont know what to do ;-(